What Chatting with Donald Trump Might Be Like
Watching the US Presidential campaign is a joke in itself and that probably needs no further explanation. Sitting there with my iPhone in one hand, I could not help but imagine what it might be like chatting with Donald Trump. The thought of engaging in any dialogue with him sends shivers down my spine. But, when you’re a professional chat host like me, you don’t always get to pick and choose your clients.
Don’t judge, chatting is paying for my tuition. Come to think of it, if Hillary won, I won’t have needed to do this anymore.
Honestly, I think in Donald’s case I might hang up!
I think he needs the money more than I do.
Seriously, he can’t even be trusted to keep a secret. He kept mentioning Bill Clinton’s sordid affairs. Psst, Donald. It made Monica rich, I would say that is smart business.
The conversation would be so one sided, I might actually want to build a wall and move to Mexico. I shudder as I imagine the entire conversation revolving around his tiny…hands, Not to mention how great he is at doing everything by himself. Believe me, sexting just might be the best thing for someone like him.
Ordering me to dress up with a long blonde wig sporting a sailor moon costume I visualize the entire session in my head. It goes something like this:
Him – You know, it really doesn’t matter what you write as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.
Me – Well, I think so! What kind of women do you usually like?
Him – Well, I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her. But who knows, I change my mind every day.
Me – Sorry, I am not into the daddy roleplay thing, but I can find someone who is.
Him – No It’s ok, there is no star on the stage tonight.
Me – Hmm, ok, so what is it I can do for you?
Him – It’s freezing and snowing in New York – I need global warming.
Me – So you want me to heat things up a little bit?
Him – Believe me, things are going to get heated up real fast when I take over Russia, er I mean the US..The beauty of me is that I’m very rich. So rich in fact, I can say whatever I want and if I mess up I just order someone to fix it. I like that, I think it’s called domination.
Me – So you want me to act submissive? I can do that. Where do you want me to begin?
Him – My fingers are long and beautiful,as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body. My IQ is one of the highest. Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault. I just like to eat a tic tac before I grab you by the …
Give me a break. There is nothing sexy about a man who says,”If I were running The View I’d fire Rosie O’Donnell. I mean, I’d look at her right in that fat, ugly face of hers, Rosie, you’re fired.”
On second thought, sexting with a politician might be dangerous. They have a phone in one hand and a red hot button in the other.